You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you didnt know i had herpes?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
