Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
