Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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