He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
