State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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