i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
