i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
