That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
