i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
