I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
