after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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