why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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