You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
