my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
