Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
