Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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