just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
