im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
