soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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