i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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