Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
