I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
