So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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