uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
