It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
