one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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