whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
