god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
