every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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