someone get that fucking seahorse.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
