I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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