I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
