too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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