She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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