im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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