my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
