I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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