You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
