Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
