Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
