So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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