So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
