I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
