i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
