i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
