There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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