____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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