i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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