she was so not down for the gang bang
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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