You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
